Tuesday, June 14, 2011
ohhhh and during CNY we counted:
ONG CLAN(Dad side): 60 of us
CHIN CLAN(Mum side): 67 of us
so manymanymanymanymany! only counting grandparents, parents, uncles, aunties, cousins, nieces, nephews:D
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9:35 AM
I missed my friends. but i never knew i'd miss them this much since i came back. and i never knew i would miss them even more after seeing them. it is really the friends that make the difference in whatever you do. no matter how terrible conditions are, your friends are always there to go through it together. having felt the loneliness and almost depression when i was overseas, i find myself trying to get back the pleasant feeling of being with everyone.
i do envy my friends who are in jc now, they can see and have each other everyday.
i'm more afraid and cautious of the the people i meet overseas. they come from different culture, background, mindset and thinking. there will be those who grew up thinking that stealing, slandering, drugs and casual sex are okay because their society is like that. i did not expect to meet people who are different because the people i meet in singapore are all pure, nice, and has no intention to harm. now that i've met people out of my comfort zone, there is more of a protective sphere around me. this made me less initiative in making friends. i just feel.. lazier... because people i meet just come and go. right now, i'm really glad that i'm back in singapore- feeling so sheltered, in company with nice and harmless people.
the emotions i experienced when i was overseas wouldnt be easily understood. in a way its self created, but sometimes i feel that its unfair that i have to grow up prematurely. i understand that it is inevitable but sometimes i also feel so shitty about it and that i've made the biggest mistake to go overseas. i do wish that i have stayed back in Singapore for at least 6months, which i could afford to at that time. ohwell, Brintha told me that shes experiencing this too. i guess only she would fully understand this feeling.
i was a brighter light to some people in the past. but now that i have become dimmer, I wish for a brighter light to care for me. But they are so rare. there were a few mature people that i sought advice from, but i want someone with longer term care and not so one-off.
because of changes in environment, i learnt to cherish and appreciate things a lot. I realised that if you have something nice to say, say it. if you have something you are grateful for, thank the person. because if the opportunity passes by, there wont be any more chance to do so. seize the present moment and there will be no regrets. i deeply appreciate my parents for everything. i will never exist as me if it were not for them. they are just like arahants(:
time is precious. i do have a lot of things to tell the people who matter to me, but i hadnt got the chance to tell each of them. most of my friends are in jc and they are really busy. even if its holiday now, i cant really make time because of my commitments and work-i got roped into TCC by my friend.
after seeing and hearing how hard they work due to manpower shortage, i feel sorry for them and wished i could relief them even just a little. but sometimes you are the one that will get burned out. i met an experienced F&B waitress today. she told me to just let them know when are my available hours after giving time to family and some 'me' time. if they want or force more from you, just quit. I went in telling them of the commitments i already had, but my heart softened to sacrifice. my sister said i'm being bullied, and, i think i am, hiahia. I've been a waitress for one week and i did learnt a lot from the work. gonna work 1-11pm tmr and off to Camp LIONS this wed! :D
9:34 AM
